Eurovision 2015: A Critical Analysis

The UK’s entry in Saturday’s Eurovision Song Contest, Still in Love With You performed by Electro Velvet, appeared to mirror the prevailing state of mind in the country. Forward to the past.

Where the government continues the process of removing all post World War II improvements in welfare and social mobility, an updated 1920’s swing-dance captured that state of mind perfectly. To add insult to injury, the song was frankly rubbish. Although Electro Velvet did the best they could with it. But bear in mind that Australia scored much better than us with their first (and probably) last appearance.

What struck me was how the other countries all had singers with big voices, even if most of the songs were sub Let it Go from Frozen. That is, their songs would not have been out of place in a musical. Probably the big number allocated to the hero/heroine’s quirky best friend to open act two.

Given that Nigel Farage has said that he hates Eurovision, I couldn’t help wondering if Still in Love With You was specifically composed with him in mind. Could it have been a ploy to make the UK audience so fed-up with this celebration of kitsch and high-camp that we stop paying for it and leave? Because artistically we are already watching from the sidelines. Our contribution being as positive and effectual as turning up for the Champions League ready to play a game of Real Tennis.

Maybe when we leave Europe and its song contest the plan will be to have a Commonwealthvision Song Contest? Or just a UKvision song contest, with the bits of the UK still left (if the UK votes to leave the EU but Scotland votes to stay in).

Taking the 1920s as just a staging post on our Great Leap Backward, what could be the UK’s planned theme for next year? How about a pastiche of the musical Oliver, set in a food bank, featuring the chorus “Please, Dave, I want some more”?

Next week: A line by line examination of Sweden’s winning entry, explaining why, in light of their society’s avowedly progressive outlook, they won the contest for a sixth time. Plus their tune and their singer were miles better than ours.